Someday

It started when I was three years old.

I look back at pictures of me playing with dolls, constantly.

It continued when I was in grade school, and I begged my parents for a pet, or a little brother or sister, or anything REAL that I could take care of.

Most recently, it has been my dogs.

A lifetime of want.

A lifetime of knowing that someday I want to be a mother.

'Someday' is so ambiguous. 'Someday' is not comforting. 'Someday' really just means 'not now'.  

It is not something that is expected.

You expect to grow up, yes

You expect to leave your parents, yes

You expect to fall in love, yes

and you expect that someday your life will create new life.

It is not expected that the one thing you have thought will come naturally, will be the most difficult challenge you have faced. It is not expected that you will lose friends, lose your way, lose bits and pieces of who you were, because of this.

It is expected that if you face this challenge, you should be brave.

You should count your blessings.

You should think of how fortunate you are instead.

You should be patient.

You should be supportive.

No one says, you should be upset. 

You should be pissed off.

You should be jealous.

You should be distant.

You should be lost.

Someday, is not today.

- Heather