Most days I try to avoid it. My last few posts were very raw, real, .... depressing. Most days it is difficult to even to write like that. It's difficult to acknowledge all the feelings I keep inside.
Acknowledgement means that it's real.
It's easier to pretend it isn't.
Some people are completely shocked when I share this side of me. Shocked, because my persona is the opposite. While I am a genuinely a happy person, I am also genuinely sad. My heart aches for what I can't grasp. I feel a constant pull between the two.
Avoidance works because you feel in control.
It feels out of control when your own body won't do what you thought it would. When your own mind works against you. When you find yourself more filled with doubt than filled with hope.
So today, I'm choosing to avoid it.
- Heather
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