Not always

Today it is easy.
Today I am able to look at pictures of families and babies and smile.
Genuinely smile.

It frustrates me that I continually go back at forth with my emotions.
That within a matter of minutes, hours, or days, the exact same situations can either be exciting or completely unbearable.

It clouds my vision, to be in this constant state of chaos in my own mind.

Balance always seems out of reach, at least on a consistent basis.

I do want to be happy.
Most days, despite what I write on here, I am filled with more thoughts of joy than sadness. I never escape the wanting, the hoping, the dreaming, but it doesn't not always consume me.

So today, at least, it was easy.

- Heather